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Friday, January 21, 2005

The Stands

*drooool*

SIGHTS SET ON US TOUR...

After a packed year or shows across Europe and touring with JET, Gomez, Spiritualized, The Libertines and others, The Stands set there sights on touring in America to support the coming release. Stay tuned for more info and posted dates.

~ rebecca 6:02 PM ~ [+]

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

love - the mind's feeling of its own unity
(Hegel)
(a bitch to read, and yet so refreshing and warm and fuzzy...)

~ rebecca 12:07 AM ~ [+]

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

have just re-lived a major part of my childhood.
saw the Phantom movie with naomi tonight.
ah girlyness...
girlyness and musical genius. (the casting sucked)

Phantom Of The Opera - All I Ask of You Lyrics

RAOUL
No more talk
of darkness,
Forget these
wide-eyed fears.
I'm here,
nothing can harm you -
my words will
warm and calm you.
Let me be
your freedom,
let daylight
dry -your tears.
I'm here,
with you, beside you,
to guard you
and to guide you . . .
CHRISTINE
Say you love me
every
waking moment,
turn my head
with talk of summertime . . .
Say you need me
with you,
now and always . . .
promise me that all
you say is true -
that's all I ask
of you . . .
RAOUL
Let me be
your shelter,
let me
be your light.
You're safe:
No-one will find you
your fears are
far behind you . . .
CHRISTINE
All I want
is freedom,
a world with
no more night . . .
and you
always beside me
to hold me
and to hide me . . .
RAOUL
Then say you'll share with
me one
love, one lifetime . . .
Iet me lead you
from your solitude . . .
Say you need me
with you
here, beside you . . .
anywhere you go,
let me go too -
Christine,
that's all I ask
of you . . .
CHRISTINE
Say you'll share with
me one
love, one lifetime . . .
say the word
and I will follow you . . .
BOTH
Share each day with
me, each
night, each morning . . .
CHRISTINE
Say you love me . . .
RAOUL
You know I do . . .
BOTH
Love me -
that's all I ask
of you . . .
(They kiss)
Anywhere you go
let me go too . . .
Love me -
that's all I ask
of you . .
(CHRISTINE starts from her reverie)
CHRISTINE
I must go -
they'll wonder where I am . . .
wait for me, Raoul!
RAOUL
Christine, I love you!
CHRISTINE;
Order your fine horses!
Be with them at the door!
RAOUL
And soon you'll be beside me!
CHRISTINE
You'll guard me, and you'll guide me . . .
(They hurry off. The PHANTOM emerges from
behind the statue)

~ rebecca 10:56 PM ~ [+]

Sunday, January 16, 2005

contact me if you're a filipino-canadian small business.
going to see metric.
going to vancouver.
i sprained my ankle.
an alcohol-related incident.
eric chopped part of his finger off.
a fcuked up weekend.
someone please send me a flash of inspiration.
in other news, stel's a daddy.
and i wanna walk to Tofino

~ rebecca 4:52 PM ~ [+]

All the way to Acapulco!
by Becky Parsnip

Once upon a time, in a cold and snowy land, there lived a family called the Parsnips.

Thanks to the generosity of the eldest Parsnip, Mrs. Mary Elizabeth Parsnip, they had planned a holiday in the sun for Christmas - a cruise from Los Angeles to Acapulco and back!

First, however, they had to get from 555 Main Street, Ottawa, to the ship at San Pedro, LA, in 15 hours - that's before 4pm local time...

Chapter 1

At 1:15am on Thursday, December 23rd, Becky Parsnip was the last of the Ottawa household to go to sleep. Daddy Parsnip's alarm clock would go off 2 1/2 hours later at 3:45am. Upon getting up, he decided it wise to call Air Canada to check the status of their scheduled flights. Alas! The first of the countless mishaps had struck. The flight from Montreal to LA was cancelled and they were to be re-routed through Toronto's Pearson Airport. The original flight from Ottawa to Montreal was to take off at 6:30am. Their new flight from Ottawa to Toronto was to take off at 6:00am - a whole half hour earlier! First, however, they had to get to the Ottawa Airport...

The taxi was to arrive at 4:45am. At exactly 4:45am, while the last of the orange juice glasses was being rinsed out, Daddy Parsnip called the taxi company to make sure that a cab was in fact coming. It was an icy morning. The weather was less than pleasant and the Parsnip family began to worry more and more about unavoidable delays. Finally, at 4:50am, the taxi arrived. By 5:10am they arrived at the airport. By 5:40am they had boarded the aircraft* but unfortunately take off was delayed 45 minutes because the plane had to be de-iced. Finally, it landed in Toronto at 7:45am but due to the lack of an available gate and the subsequent wait while snow removal vehicles cleared the entrance to the gate, they did not actually step off the plane until 8:30am. Already, a flight that was to take less than an hour, took nearly 3 hours from start to finish.

The flight leaving for LA was scheduled to leave Toronto at 9:00am. There was still some hope that they might make it, but first they had to collect their baggage and go through US pre-clearance, not to mention transfer to another Terminal to do all this.

A large mob of people headed for the shuttle bus that would take passengers to Terminal 2. The Parsnips were near the end of the long lineup and the lady in charge stopped the boarding of the bus just as they got to the front of the line. Their hopes of catching their second flight were thus diminished, and yet there was still a real possibility of making it. As the flight attendants onboard had said - most flights were likely to be delayed as the whole system at Pearson Airport was slowed down due to the snowstorm that had hit Toronto early that morning. "How often do these buses run?" Mommy Parsnip asked the lady in charge. "Every few minutes" was the answer. The Parsnips looked at each other nervously, constantly checking their watches and cursing the bad luck that had kept them off of that first shuttle. "How often do these buses run?" repeated Daddy Parsnip. This time the lady in charge answered something along the lines of "Well, it depends how busy it is. Usually you don't have to wait TOO long." The minutes rolled by. The wait wasn't actually TOO long after all, but then the plot thickened...

Chapter 2

What should have been a 5 minute trip to Terminal 2 took at least 20 minutes, maybe even 25 minutes. The bus got stuck in tarmac traffic. Every kind of airport vehicle and snow removal machine imaginable was out on the ice and snow trying to get from one place to another. Chaos. The shuttle bus in front of the Parsnips' bus got stuck on some ice. Its tires were spinning. The Parsnips' bus couldn't quite squeeze by around it and needed to back up a bit, but in order to back up, it needed permission from a supervisor. Finally, at 9:15am they arrived at Terminal 2 and collected their luggage. Running to a service desk, Becky Parsnip explained their situation. Their scheduled flight had left at 9:00am. They had to get on the next flight to LA if there was any hope of making it to the ship in time. The next flight was not until 12:25pm, but this was supposed to get them to LAX for 2:55pm so depending on traffic in LA, they might still make it to the port for 4:00pm! Daddy Parsnip had called the cruiseline but the only thing they could advise was to call back once they had landed in LA...

Hunger had set in. There were no fast food options nearby and so the Parsnips settled for the worst sandwiches EVER. so dry. no mayonnaise (to Caroline's delight).
To pass the time, Caroline forced Becky to listen to emo music while introducing Mommy Parsnip to the genre. Within minutes, Mommy Parsnip was pointing out emo kids all by herself! She even admitted to liking Death Cab while Daddy Parsnip confessed to enjoying the sounds of Sigur Ros... Somewhere in the middle of all that, Caroline found a long white hair growing out of her arm and a cute little brown-haired boy nearly had a seizure when Santa clause came and said hello.

Boarding for their flight to LA was scheduled for 11:50am but was delayed until 12:45pm as the incoming flight was late arriving. Snug in their seats** and anxiously awaiting take off, the Parsnips could overhear a fellow passenger across the aisle trying to get in touch with her travel agent because she feared missing 'the ship'. The rumours started. Her travel agent thought the ship would wait if there were enough people arriving late. Again, a little bit of hope was reinstated...

4 hours later, the plane had yet to take off. In fact, once boarded, the plane got into a queue to be de-iced - a queue in which they were 25th in line! Every 15 minutes or so the captain would come on the loud speaker to announce that he thought we'd just be another half hour or so. At least Becky and Caroline had a really cute kiwi kid sitting behind them to entertain their ears. The movie was much less than entertaining. "First Daughter" gets 8 thumbs down from the Parsnip family. Poor Mommy Parsnip had a screaming girl next to her. The screaming only got worse during a very turbulent landing. The lady sitting in front of Becky was sobbing loundly and seemed to be violently ill.

Chapter 3

Approximately 4 hours after they finally took off, the Parsnips' flight arrived at LAX, soon finding out that the ship had in fact left San Pedro at 4:30pm. The ensuing operation was like clockwork. A bit like Charlie's Angels or something. GO TEAM PARSNIP! Mommy and Daddy Parsnip went to the Air Canada desk where they were given a voucher for $100 off a night at the LAX Crowne Plaza hotel. Meanwhile, Becky and Caroline went to collect the luggage. Unfortunately, on his way to meet Becky and Caroline, Daddy Parsnip took a wrong turn on the escalator and had to scramble up a down escalator. He fell, scraping both knees badly. Further diagnosis revealed it wasn't as bad as it may have first seemed. Still, it hurt a lot. Especially when Mommy Parsnip later wiped the wounds with alcohol.

The shuttle bus to the hotel was amusing. The Parsnips shared stories with a lovely young family that had been on a skiing holiday in Aspen. Apparently they rented a brand new vehicle that had only 40-something miles on it and also had a built-in DVD player. It sounded pretty nice. They sympathized with the Parsnips sob story, congratulating them for still being able to smile, and continued on to their home on the coast in the OC.

The Crowne Plaza was a lovely hotel, the perfect place for the Parsnips to regroup and plan the rest of the journey to Acapulco where they would finally be able to board the ship. Upon finding the internet room at the hotel, Becky noticed that someone had failed to log-off one of the machines. Therefore, instead of paying many many dollars, the Parsnips were able to search the internet for free! Daddy Parsnip was first quoted $800 USD EACH to fly one way to Acapulco from LA but some searching revealed that there were seats available for closer to $400 USD. Finally, the Parsnips had seats booked, by telephone, for the next morning at 7:00am. They went to bed, having set the alarm for 4:00am.

Chapter 4

Friday, December 24th. 4:45am. The shuttle to the airport leaves. Once arrived, Daddy Parsnip heads to the AeroMexico desk to pay for and pick up our tickets while the rest of the Parsnips wait in line to check-in. "Daddy's shaking" Becky says. Things were not looking good. It turns out that the reserved tickets could not be issued as the confirmation number had expired - there had not been enough processing time since the phone reservation less than 12 hours prior. Luckily, they were able to get the same fare for a flight that was leaving at 1:30pm to Acapulco via Mexico city. They would be arriving at 9:00pm on Christmas eve with no where to sleep. They would take a manger. The Parsnips thus had 9 hours to kill at LAX on christmas eve, probably the busiest day of the year at one of the busiest airports in the world.

The Parsnips enjoyed some of the best orange juice they'd ever tasted at the MacDonald's at Tom Bradley Airport - the old part of LAX. There were many cool restaurants there, though they were all deserted at the crack of dawn. Feasting on some 'fancy ketchup', McGriddles, McMuffins and the like, Becky and Caroline giggled at the P.A. announcements in Japanese and those with kiwi accents. Eventually, Daddy Parsnip bought a phonecard and called their neighbours from Ottawa who happened to be on holiday in their native Acapulco! Success! Mrs. Neighbour was going to book a hotel for the Parsnips so now all they had to do was get to Acapulco...

The line-up to get through security was incredible - several city blocks long. The news cameras were out and all. Once they had removed their shoes and proceeded through the metal detectors, the Parsnips hunted for a nice place to sit for a few more hours. They found a great spot for people watching and developed many theories about why there were so many slim, good looking people milling about LAX. They had a wonderful lunch (mmm Thai pizza) at the California Pizza Kitchen. Everybody pointed out that Daddy Parsnip's tooth was chipped, again. After eating, Caroline and Becky sat by the window and watched the activity out on the tarmac. They spotted Santa Claus driving around in one of those golf carts.

Flight #3 was a bit late boarding and it was quite disorganized. This was the first sign of the Third Worldness that was awaiting them in Mexico. Furthermore, as the stewardesses were trying to load the safety video cassette in to the VCR, they kept dropping the cassettes on Becky's head.*** Interestingly enough, there was a large group of people travelling together who were all extremely clean cut and disgustingly proper. A Mormon family. How interesting. Another bad movie and some horrible pasta later, they touched down in Mexico City at approximately 7:25pm. Approaching the megacity at night was pretty awesome. Unfortunately, yet another nightmare was beginning to unfold...

Chapter 5

Their connecting flight to Acapulco was scheduled to leave at 8:15pm. Assured by representatives in LA that this would be enough time to make the connection, the Parsnips started to seriously reconsider where they might be sleeping that night. There were hundreds of people in line to get their passports stamped and only one lady at the counter stamping! To add to the chaos, people were seemingly cutting into the line, causing a bit of a kafuffle when Daddy Parsnip tried to block their way. Really, they were simply bypassing the customs line because they were taking national flights. This system, however, was awful for many reasons. The lady stamping passports wasn't even looking at them. She couldn't have cared less as she threw the landing cards into a big mess on the counter. While waiting, Becky went to the bathroom, only to have the Mormon Mom blatantly cut in front of her in line. They may be cleancut but they're seriously deficient in the good manners department.

Security was a joke. By this time it was 8:15pm. Becky sprinted towards the gates and found a screen that told her the flight was boarding from a gate in the opposite direction! She hit a kid while running and hopes he wasn't hurt. (It was the kid's fault. He came out of nowhere.) Arriving at the gate, there was still a mass of people waiting to board. They could breathe. They were on their way to Acapulco...

Flight #4 was only 45 minutes long. Too bad it took nearly 45 minutes to get the bathrooms unlocked. Upon arrival at Acapulco airport the Parsnips had to call Mrs. Neighbour but the payphones only took phonecards and there was nowhere to buy a card! Enter the American Express angel. He lent them his card and helped them get through to Mrs. Neighbour. The party started from here on in...

Chapter 6

The cab ride to the Bali Hai Hotel was an adventure. They were welcomed to the city by huge signs for Wal*Mart and Hooters. Mr. Cabbie blasted the radio as Becky and Caroline bopped along to "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" and "Electric Avenue". The bright lights lining the beach and covering the hills of Acapulco were amazing. The so-called 3-star hotel was pretty basic. There were two nice swimming pools but the room itself left a few things to be desired. "What's that stain on the mattress?" and "That's not my hair!" could be heard from the mouths of the youngest Parsnips. Panic struck when Mommy Parsnip ran her toothbrush under the tap water. And so the paranoia began...

Christmas day was spent exploring the city. After huevos rancheros for breakfast at a little place by the beach (don't eat the fresh cream or lettuce!!), the Parsnips wandered along the beach to the zocalo or central city square. They came to the conclusion that all the locals spend christmas day at the beach. Later that day they napped, sat by the pool and walked to Pizza Hut. The streets of Acapulco were so alive! Christmas dinner was a medium meatlovers pizza for take-out. (They weren't too hungry after a late, large lunch)

Boxing Day was ushered in with the tragic news of the tsunami in South Asia. After breakfast the Parsnips took a cab to the cruise terminal and met the others who had missed the ship in LA. After sharing stories they realized that Sue and Doug from Toronto may have won as they waited for 9 hours on the tarmac before taking off from Pearson. They waited to be de-iced, got to the front of the line but they had run out of de-icing fluid, then they ran out of fuel. Another family was rerouted from LA to Chicago then Chicago to Acapulco. Craziness...

The group had been waiting outside the airconditioned terminal in the hot sun and was ushered in two and a time to use the washroom facilities. Apparently the cruiseline, which shall remain nameless, did have a local Acapulco representative but he/she was probably lying on the beach somewhere. For ‘security reasons’ the terminal officials could not help them out without a cruise rep present, let alone reveal when the ship was due to arrive. 2 hours late, the cruise ship finally pulled around the bend in Acapulco Bay. Everyone simultaneously heaved a sigh of relief and silently squealed with joy. This was not, however, the end of the collective suffering…

Finally the group was let in to the terminal. Tour guides crowded around, ready to whisk away tourists on $60 city tours. People started to disembark the ship and find their appropriate guide while the Parsnips and their fellow ill-fated travelers waited anxiously for some direction. No official from the cruise ship came to meet the unfortunate souls. No official from the cruise ship was in sight. Finally Miss Jenny, in charge of “customer service” appeared. Finally a fuming Daddy Parsnip began to push his way on board, against a massive flow of people anxious to set foot in Mexico. Becky and Caroline spotted Grandma Parsnip waving from a balcony above.

No amount of champagne or chocolate covered strawberries could make up for the lack of service the cruise line had provided. What about the other players acting in the theatre of eternal setbacks, riding a wave of misfortune that had begun way back in Ottawa? Air Canada was inevitably delayed due to weather. It seems that Pearson Airport could have been more organized and more prepared for such an episode. The Parsnips give five gold stars to the LAX Crowne Plaza. Menos cinco puntos for Aero Mexicano and the airport in Mexico City.
The bottom line is – would the Parsnips recommend the N**w*gian Cruise Line? The box that Daddy Parsnip and Becky agreed to check: “Not sure.”

THE END



*note: they were seated at the very back of the aircraft
**note: they were seated at the very back of the aircraft
***note: they were seated at the very back of the aircraft

~ rebecca 4:34 PM ~ [+]